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I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep, I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, "It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here".
I was closed to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, you were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore, I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care, I want to reassure you, that I am not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key, I gently put my paw on you, and smiled and said "It's me".
You looked so very tired and sank into a chair, I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you every day, to say to you with certainty, "I never went away".
You sat there very quietly, than smiled, I think you knew.......in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over......I smile and watch you yawning and say " Goodnight, God Bless, I'll see you in the morning".
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief devide, I'll rush across to greet you, and we'll stand side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much  for you to see, be patient.......live your journey out..........then come home to be with me.
This is  the story of how my beautiful " Jacinta " died
It's Wednesday morning the 28th of March 2007.
The day started with Jacinta having oats & goats milk for breakfast at 8am.
At 9.30 am I had to take her to vet as she had cystitis.
When we got there Jacinta jumped out of my car, her tail wagging, she was so happy she just loved going for a ride in my car. The vet gave her a full check up, her heart and temperature were normal, we took some blood for a full biochem while we were there and her results were also normal. She was in perfect health.

Back home from the vet at 10.30, Jacinta is still so happy & loving.Wagging her bushy tail which was so thick and her full peticoats made her look just so beautiful.
I left her sitting on her favourite lounge, while I took two of my other dogs for a swim at the local dog pool.
I was gone for about 1 hour, when I returned back home Jacinta still looked and acted normal. By the way she was a couch potato, she just loved to lie around while everyone else was playing.

I went on doing my daily routine of feeding and cleaning the rest of my dogs and my  other farm animals.
As I was about to leave for work at 2.30 that same afternoon, Jacinta started to dry reach as if she wanted to vomit,  but with nothing coming up. At this stage I didn't think much of it, as sometimes the dogs will eat grass  and bring it back up again.
I looked in her throat there was nothing there, I let her outside and she run down the far end of the yard.
I called her back and said lovingly " come on silly girl, there is nothing there, I have to go now".
Jacinta came  back, I kissed her and I left her sitting on the lounge with a few of my other dogs. As usual I was running late for work,but what's new, that's what happens everyday.

If only I knew this was the last time I was going to see Jacinta  alive I would have never left her.
If only I had taken more time to investigate why my Jacinta was trying to vomit with nothing  coming up, I would have realised that this was the start of  the twisting of her stomach and I would have rushed her straight away to the vet. I never had a dog suffer with bloat before and even though I thought I had read everything about it, obviously I didn't know enough.
Jacinta bloated while I was gone. This is a condition I have always been so afraid of,  and my most beautiful girl died from it in agony.
My partner arrived home from work at 6.30 that same afternoon. When I called him later on  that night he said Jacinta, apparently did not look too good, but he did not know what was wrong with her.  When he described her symptoms I knew she was bloating. I told him "take her to the vet, she is bloating" and he said " if I take her to the vet now she will not survive the anaesthetic".
Oh God ! what will I do, my mind was racing, I just had to save my little girl. I had to go home now, the drive is over 1 hour away, I just knew I would not  make it home in time........If only I could fly.........
I left work and drove  like a maniac. Everything was against me, I got roadworks on the freeway, trafic, seemed like I would never get home.
Well, I got home alright at 9.45pm, I run inside only to find Jacinta had died in agony 5 minutes before I got home (She died at 9.40pm on the 28th of March 2007).
Due to the actions or inactions of a certain person my beautiful girl suffered so much for so long while I was not there.
Only God knows why the stupid idiot I lived with did not pick up the phone to call me straight away when he got home at 6.30pm. Jacinta was always in the house, he had full view of her all the time but he just continued doing his daily routine, had dinner, watched TV, and all this time my beautiful Jacinta followed him around everywhere as if she was saying 'please help me' but the bastard did nothing at all.

At least even if the vet could not save her,  Jacinta would not have  suffered so much right up to the very last minute of her precious life. From 2.30 to 9.40 is just over 7 hours. Seven hours of hell. She did not deserve to die like this.

Need I say anymore.......All I know is that a beautiful life is lost for nothing, for ever. Jacinta was a very much loved little girl.  She had such beautiful nature, a pleasure to take anywhere, she loved other dogs and people, always wagging, always so happy and friendly, her face smilling like a dolphin.
Only the  weekend before she had come with me and my other dogs to a show at Newcastle, and had such good time there, who would have ever guessed that a few days later she would be dead.

I burried Jacinta under the peppercorn tree in my yard. Every night I light a candle for her on her grave.
Her beautiful memories will remain forever, Oh but how I wish she would come back. I would give my life for her, I loved her so much.

Tristan & Roxie her playmates are missing her so much as well. I remember when I walked into the house and found her dead, I started to cry and  my boy Tristan was licking the tears from my face. So sad and so beautiful, this poor little boy has now been traumatised so much with Jacinta's death, I feel so sorry for him and Roxie as well.
I can think of 1000 thoughts  "if I had done this" and another 1000 thoughts of   "If I  hadn't done that".
I have lost count on how many times I have said these words. All I know is that no matter how many more of my dogs I have with me in the house, the house still seems to be so empty, now that she is gone, there is something missing......something that can never be replaced.........

In the photos you can see my Jacinta with her friends at happier times. They were taken in summer 2006.
Also if you click on the link below you will find
information on bloat, which might save your dog's life.
I learned all about it the hard way! My little Princess paid the price. She is now gone for ever.



Look at my smilling face, I am so cheeky
Having fun with my friends